Something to Hold On To
by skygirl55
Summary: What if it wasn't just Kate's life at risk? AU twist on the end of "Knockout" Caskett.
1. Part 1

**Something to Hold On To**

What if it wasn't just Kate's life at risk? AU twist on the end of "Knockout"

* * *

" _Kate_!"

With the cat-like reflexes of a man one third his age Richard Castle dove onto his partner and they both crash-landed onto the ground. He prayed—oh god, he prayed—that he had been swift enough to save her from the bullet surely destined to end her life. He wanted to save her—no. No—he _needed_ to save her more than he ever needed anything in his life, for a life without Kate Beckett was unfathomable.

"Kate—oh god Beckett are—are you…"

Castle's voice trailed off when he gazed down at the stunned, frozen form of his partner below him and caught sight of the flecks of crimson now staining her once pure white gloves. No! No! Surely—no! No it wasn't possible. Except that it was.

Richard Castle was not faster than a sniper's bullet; no man was.

"Kate! Oh, God, Kate—you have to hold on. Stay with me Kate. Kate!"

He said her name again and again in desperate hope that she could respond; that, somehow, it was all a dream or a hoax. The red blood-like substance on her gloves was fake, all part of a cruel joke put on by her and her partners Ryan and Esposito. She'd laugh, jump up and say, "Gotcha!" and take victory for playing the best prank ever. Of course rationally he knew Montgomery's funeral was the absolute worst place to play a prank on anyone, and certainly not something Kate would be caught up in, but oh how he wished…

"C-Castle…"

His name on her lips used to bring him such joy, but in that moment it felt like a block of ice traveling down his spinal cord. God, it sounded so distant, as though she was already slipping away. As if she had—

No. No he refused to think it; he would not let Kate leave him. That was not an option.

Cradling her head and neck in his left hand he gently touched her cheek with his right and said, "No—shh. Shh, Kate. Save your breath. Don't—don't try to speak."

She needed to save her strength—her breath. He couldn't tell where the bullet had entered her body since her shirt and jacket were black and thus concealing the contrast of the precious blood escaping her wound, but seeing as the bullet came from a sniper's weapon—a sniper who was presumably well trained—none of the immediate scenarios his writer's mind crafted were very positive. Surely the bullet had either damaged her heart or her lungs—or both—so she needed to remain calm, remain still, and reserve all her energy for the upcoming fight to stay alive.

God, how had they come to this? Wasn't losing Montgomery bad enough? Wasn't watching his partner cry, scream, and beat his chest with her fists enough suffering for one week? They'd fought, they'd reconciled, they'd…well, now that he thought about it, it had been one hell of a few months, not just the prior week, but they were finally getting to a good place; they were finally headed in the right direction. And…and now…

"Cas…"

"Shh, Beckett; I'm right here. You're going to be okay."

"B-but…th-the…bu-by…"

"Wha-?" He grunted out his confused response, as it was difficult to hear her due to the hum of the stunned crowd, the softness of her weakened voice, and the thundering of his heart, which must have been beating near 200 repetitions a minute. "Kate, I'm not sure what you said but don't worry about it. The ambulance is coming; it's coming to help you and-"

"Baby." She managed to get out clear and strong before sucking in a shuttering breath and letting her head fall limp into his hand. "Sa-ave the baby."

Though he heard the word, his stunned brain failed to process it full. "Baby? Kate, what…are you pr…" but he couldn't say the word. It just didn't make sense, not with her, not with them, not with what— _oh god!_

"Kate, Kate are—Kate!" He shouted when he watched her eyes roll back in her head and her arm collapsed limp by his side. "No, no, no! Stay with me Kate. Kate please I—I love you, Kate. Kate!"

But she couldn't hear him anymore. She was gone, but God as his witness, he would move heaven and earth to bring her back.

* * *

Richard Castle sat on a stiff, cramped hospital chair, his forearms resting on his thighs, his head dropped down so that his chin nearly touched his chest, having what he swiftly predicted to be the worst day of his life. Kate Beckett, the woman he loved, was down the hall in an operating suite fighting for her life. Her heart had already stopped once in the ambulance. He'd watched her flat line while feeling his own beating organ stutter to a stop. The shock of defibrillator paddles in addition to the compressions of their medical examiner friend kept Kate from slipping away, but only just.

All this would have been horrifying enough to swallow, maddening enough to process were it just Kate fighting for her own life, but…a baby? Castle's brain could hardly process the concept. It was simply too new, too shocking, and too overwhelming for his already stunned synapses.

The only thing that kept him from collapsing onto the floor and weeping violently was his own faith—not in God, or any other higher deity, but in the universe. Kate was a good person—a wonderful person. She didn't deserve this. She deserved a long, happy, full live, particularly after all she'd struggled with in the wake of her mother's death. He, too, felt he deserved to be happy and as he believed their futures to be intertwined he outright refused to accept the universe would steal their happiness from both of them; it simply wasn't right.

Kate would pull through her surgery—Kate _and_ her baby. Kate would be okay.

Kate had to be okay.

"You! This is your fault!"

The seething voice of Josh Davidson pulled Castle from his thoughts and he jumped up out of his seat, startled. Josh—what was Josh doing there…dressed in scrubs…

Oh, right. Josh was a doctor—a surgeon. A cardiac surgeon. _Oh Jesus…_

"I…I'm sorry; I tried to get to her," Castle stammered out, not entirely sure way his first instinct was to apologize to this man he'd previously hated. No, not hated; Richard Castle didn't hate. He…disliked with intensity.

Josh stepped up to the writer, towering over him with his prominent brow and fury-filled eyes. "This is your fault," he spat again. "You pushed her to look into her mother's murder. Montgomery's dead because of you. She was shot because of you."

Too stunned by the doctor's fury to react, Castle remained still until he was aware of a blur of red to his right side as his daughter stepped up and yelled, "Hey! Leave him alone!"

"Alexis, no." He held out his right arm practically on auto-pilot and gave his daughter a gentle shove backwards as he stood between her and the furious man. "Josh, I don't know what-"

"Your fault!" Josh hissed as his palms collided with Castle's shoulders and he stumbled back into the chair he'd previously been sitting in.

As he'd never been one to tolerate physical violence directed towards him, particularly when he felt it was one hundred percent unjustified, Castle recovered quickly and took a challenging step forward. "Listen, I don't-"

"Stop it! Both of you!"

The surprisingly strong voice of Jim Beckett tore Castle's attention away from the irate doctor, and he gazed over towards the smaller man, who had seemingly aged an additional decade in the half hour since the sniper's bullet left its barrel. "My daughter is in there fighting for her life!"

"It…it's not just her life…" The words escaped Castle's lips practically without his permission, for he never intended to reveal Kate's secret. Hell, he wasn't even sure if it was real. She was going into shock, losing blood and probably delirious. Her confession about a baby may have been simply a factor of her injured state, but if it wasn't…oh, if it wasn't…

Cautiously, Castle looked towards the doctor, the only other man who might— _oh god —_ who might have a right to be fully informed about the situation, and saw only a reflection of confusion, which he sympathized with immensely.

"What does that mean?"

"She's pregnant."

"What?"

"How?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Castle?"

The trio of men was quickly joined by the women and Ryan and Esposito, who had been standing just a few feet away, and Castle could not say he was surprised by the flurry of questions that charged towards him. He was usually the man with answers, but in that moment he had virtually none to give. He glanced at each of them before shrugging rather helplessly. "I-I don't know—truly. Before she passed out she asked me to save the baby I…I really don't…"

"Are you sure that's what she said?" Josh asked in a gentler tone, the medical side of his brain clearly racing to formulate a plausible alternative. "Could she have said-"

"No," Castle responded, firm. "She repeated it twice; I'm certain it's what she said."

Turning a few shades paler, Josh backed away from the group saying, "I…I have to…" and then he quickly spun around and disappeared behind a door labeled, _Staff Only_.

Castle watched him go, though in that moment he had never felt more sympathetic towards the man he'd once dubbed condescendingly Doctor Motorcycle-Boy for in that moment they were one in the same. They were both stressed and worried about the safety of the woman they both cared for and now possibly for the life that blossomed inside her.

Did Josh love Kate? Castle wasn't sure, though he felt only a fool could spent any time around her without falling in love with her gorgeous smile, kind eyes, and incredible soul. As they had dated for some months Josh had to at least care for her and clearly wanted no harm to come of her but…was that all? Or, rather, was that still how he felt?

Castle had thought—oh, well, maybe that was the problem. He _thought_ though had no official confirmation that after—well, _after_ Kate was no longer with the doctor. She talked about needing time, needing space. He thought that was from everyone—rather, all men. At least, in a romantic sense. But that had been an assumption and maybe—oh, god, maybe…

Feeling even sicker than he had felt before, Castle took a backwards step, but accidentally trod on his mother's foot and stumbled. He quickly apologized, but she shook off his words and instead looped her arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer. "Oh, darling, here—sit down; you re shaking."

Her soft hand brushing through the hair at his nape felt like unlatching the floodgates and he felt a shuddering sob escape his chest. The moment his buttocks connected with the stiff hospital chair, he began to sob. "I'm sorry; I'm so sorry."

"Richard this isn't your fault—you had no way to know there was a sniper and-"

"No, no. I'm sorry because…because I think there's a chance the baby is mine."

Castle heard a gasp filter through his group of friends and family and he couldn't honestly say that he blamed them for expressing their shock aloud. Hell, _he_ was shocked. Though it had been over a month he still could barely believe that he and Kate really had made love, but they had and it had been as magnificent as he'd imagined it would be…at least, until the next morning when she told him that her relationship status with Josh was in limbo and they couldn't move forward until she "figured out what she really wanted." The statement had been a blow to say the very least, though during their flight back from LA she had softened the sentiments slightly by taking his hand, thanking him genuinely for accompanying her, and telling him that he meant a great deal to her.

In the weeks since things had been different. Not just different in the "Oh, we saw each other naked; this changes things" way, but in a deeper, more meaningful one. She spoke to him more often about how she felt and what she was thinking. They'd had dinner several times just the two of them and it had been nice, easy. They weren't acting like lovers, but her behavior towards him certainly indicated an intimacy level above friendship, which was why he was almost startled at the Josh's emotional reaction, for he had not heard her speak about the doctor ever since their night together and thus he had thought the man was out of the picture permanently. Now it seemed everything was up in the air once more.

"Richard? What are you talking about?"

"I…I guess, um, I…" He stammered while trying to regain his thoughts. Lifting his head, he was met with four pairs of curious eyes and one that seemed rather uncertain. "Oh. Jim, I'm sorry, I…" God, could he really tell this story in front of Kate's father? In front of the man he had met but a few days earlier? In front of the man he hoped to one day be a part of his own family?

"No." Jim's voice was rough with emotion, but steady. "No, I think in the interest of relevance you'd better explain."

Castle bobbed his head and then cleared his throat, giving himself a moment to formulate as G-rated an explanation as he could muster. "We, ah, were looking into the murder of Mike Royce—you guys remember the case," he said, glancing up to the duo of detectives.

Esposito hummed, "Mmm…'bout six weeks ago wasn't it?"

"Yeah, about. Beckett and I went out to LA in search of the killer and one night we…we had a moment."

"Must have been some moment."

"Mother." Castle chastised in an exhausted tone. She merely shrugged and the writer hung his head once more. "It was just once and we'd kind of written it off as a one-time thing—at least for now—but if she's…and Josh…" He groaned and rubbed his hand over his face as the disjointed thoughts formulated into one terrifying one inside his mind. "He's going to kill me when I tell him."

"Then might I advise—don't."

Castle set his jaw and shook his head at his mother. "If I was him I'd want to know." Yes, it would feel like shredding his heart into bits, but he would want to know if he had a potential child out there in the world, especially if that child's life was potentially hanging in the balance.

"You should probably at least wait until the surgery's over. If she doesn't—sorry," Esposito said quickly when Jim's sharp intake of breath was audible to the group. Turning to Castle he said, "What I mean is-"

"I know what you mean," he said so Esposito didn't have to make his macabre point aloud. If Kate and thus the baby did not pull through surgery, the secret of their affair could die with her thus saving Josh even a minuscule amount of pain. Since he already felt like he was on heartache overload, Castle decided this was a reasonably fair decision to agree upon. "Okay; I'll wait."

As the group dispersed, seeking out their own corners of the seating area to pass the time with clammy palms and racing hearts, Esposito hung back and touched Castle's shoulder gently with his fingertips. "Bro, you know I…you know I want her to pull through this, right?"

Castle offered the smallest of smiles in return. "Yeah, Javier; I know."

* * *

In the cramped chair tucked in between a heart monitor, an IV stand, and even more medical equipment he could not recognize, Richard Castle was a stalwart figure by the bedside of his partner and had been for well over an hour, ever since he'd bribed a nurse into letting him swap places with Kate's father despite the fact that he was not technically family. The elder Beckett, who had been at the hospital ever since his daughter arrived the prior day, had gone home to shower and change his clothes, but only after Castle promised to watch over the unconscious woman in his absence. He never had been one to break a promise.

Seated beside her bed, his eyes transfixed by the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest, Castle prayed for a sign that she would regain consciousness; a sign that she and her child would pull through without permanent damage. So far, her journey had been rough, but he hoped—as did the doctors—that she was finally out of the woods.

The prior afternoon, after a several-hour procedure, a haggard surgeon had informed Kate's father that they were able to repair the damage to her heart, but she was still in critical condition and would need to be monitored closely. When Jim inquired about her possible pregnancy, the surgeon was unsure, but stated their main priority was keeping Kate alive. An hour later, just as they were all starting to discuss getting something to eat, a nurse informed them Kate was back in surgery for her blood pressure was dropping and they feared more internal bleeding.

At eight p.m. after Kate was out of her second, and what they hoped was her final, surgery, her father was allowed to see her for the first time. Jim then reported back to Castle, who remained in the waiting room along with Ryan and Esposito, that doctors had confirmed her pregnancy, but that the baby's life was "critically in danger" and she had more than a fifty percent likelihood of miscarrying due to the trauma her body endured. Shortly thereafter, the detectives talked Castle into going him and changing his blood-stained clothing. He did so, but returned to the hospital almost immediately, and spent the next several hours dozing off in a waiting room chair until Jim came and roused him.

According to the elder Beckett, Kate had not fully regained consciousness. She had mumbled and grunted, but only in her sleep. The doctors were slightly concerned about this lack of progress, but after such a trauma this was not at all unheard of. Unfortunately, at that time all they could do was wait.

Castle lifted up his hand from his lap and placed it gently on Kate's right forearm as he did every few minutes just so she knew someone who cared about her was there, watching over her. He brushed his thumb gently over her skin, ruffling the soft hairs that coated her lower arm. He'd never taken too much noticed to them before, probably because Kate generally wore long sleeves or a jacket, but they were just a few shades darker than her skin tone; it was adorable and he couldn't wait to—

"How long has this been going on?"

Castle jumped and spun around in his seat to see Josh by the foot of Kate's bed in the ICU, his arms folded across his blue scrub t-shirt clearly displaying the over-sized biceps just waiting to pummel the writer into needing a bed himself.

"I, ah—excuse me?" Castle stood to face Josh, truly having not processed his words due to the shock.

Josh's eyes darted down towards the face of the unconscious woman. His brow softened, he shook his head, and brought his left hand up to cup the back of his neck. Turning back to Castle he said, "I'm not an idiot, you know? The way she spoke about you, it was obvious. I guess I'm the fool for not ending things sooner, but I guess I wanted to believe her when she said you were just partners."

"We were."

"Until…?"

Castle swallowed hard. He didn't exactly feel as though it was his place to tell Josh about his time with Kate, both because he did not feel he should meddle in their relationship, but also because he did not want their moment sullied by Josh's inevitable vitriol; yet, it seemed he had no choice. "When we were in LA-"

"When was that?"

Somewhat taken aback, Castle's brow wrinkled and he responded with, "She didn't tell you?" Josh shook his head so Castle continued. "It was about six weeks ago."

"Six weeks…that guy she knew died—former partner or something?"

"Royce."

"Yeah—yeah him. I…she said she just wanted to get away for a few days, clear her head—that she needed space, which was…we were already kind of…I don't know." Josh rubbed his hand over his mouth and nodded to Castle. "Sorry—continue."

He paused for a moment, considering Josh's statements. So, he didn't know who Royce was—was that on Kate? Or Josh's lack of attention? He wasn't sure and he supposed ultimately it didn't matter, but he was glad that he knew about Royce. He was certain he didn't know _all_ about Royce and how intimate his relationship with Kate had been, but he knew a lot and that was enough.

"Well…that's really all there is to it—we were in LA; it happened."

"And since then?"

"No, no—it was only once."

Josh's eyes momentarily narrowed at Castle before he looked back to Kate and huffed out a breath. "I see. So, that's it then."

Shaking his head slightly, Castle said, "What do you mean?"

"I mean—that's it; we're done and I…I don't belong here anymore."

As Josh went to step away, Castle reached out his arm and stopped him asking, "Sorry—did I miss something? What are you talking about?"

Josh gazed down at the writer's hand and he recoiled instantly, not sure what compelled him to stop the doctor instead of being grateful he was leaving without physically harming him, particularly after the confession he just made. Still, the writer had to know the end of the story.

"Do I really have to spell it out for you?" Josh snapped. A moment passed when Castle said nothing so Josh continued with, "Fine—the baby's yours, Rick."

"Bu—how can you know that?"

Josh looked away, shaking his head and planting his fists at his hips. "The week before that Royce guy died I was at a conference. The day I got home was the day she said she needed time to herself—time away from us, and she disappeared. Went off with you, apparently. We've only been in minimal contact since. The last time I got a hold of her, two weeks ago, she said she still needed time to figure things out; now I guess I know why."

"I…" Castle began but the words died on his tongue; he was at a loss as the wheels of his brain spun. If Kate truly had not been intimate with Josh in two months' time then the doctor was most likely correct; he was the father of Kate's baby. His chest was immediately crushed with equal amounts of joy and fear and he couldn't have verbalized his thoughts in that moment if his life depended on it.

Sighing audibly, the doctor turned back to the writer and said with sincerity, "I hope you're what she wants, Castle; truly."

Castle watched him walk out of the ICU and stood still for several moments before rotating his body around to stare at Kate. For a moment, he half expected her eyes to be open and for her to have seen their entire exchange. For a brief moment he amused himself by thinking that if they were in a movie, she probably would have, but in reality such things didn't happen. Still, he had to check for himself.

"Kate? Hey, Kate, can you hear me?" He walked over and grazed his fingers across her forearm once more, studying her face for a reaction; he saw none. "If you're faking this, you're going to have to give mother some acting lessons." Again, he watched for the quirk of her lips or an irregular fluttering in her eyes, but saw none, so he gave up and collapsed into the chair again. That time, he picked up her hand and delicately brought her fingertips to his lips. "Oh, Kate, you have to wake up. Please, please wake up."

* * *

"Mmmph…"

The grunting of the patient beside him made Castle jump to the point where he almost dropped his cell phone. Twenty minutes had passed since Josh left them and now that it was a more reasonable hour of the morning he was in the middle of messaging Alexis to let her know that he was at the hospital and there was no change in Kate's status. Now it appeared that no longer was correct.

Quickly pocketing the device, Castle stood and placed both his hands on Kate's closest forearm. "Kate? Hey, Kate." He grinned when her eyes fluttered open, searched for a moment, and then focused on his face.

"Cas'l?"

"Yeah." He continued stroking her right arm with his right thumb, but moved his left hand to gently rest on her right shoulder. "I'm right here Kate, take your time."

Her eyes opened and closed a few times as she clearly tried to focus and process her state of existance. Her head turned and she caught sight of the medical equipment. She wrinkled her brow at it for a moment before turning to him and asking, "Whahapn'd?"

"You were shot, Kate; a sniper's bullet."

"Snip—oh! Ahhh." She gasped and groaned when she tried to sit up and presumably felt pain shooting through her damaged body.

Castle pressed the heel of his left hand into her shoulder, gently holding her down so she didn't try to move again and injure herself further. "Whoa Kate slow down. You've got stiches everywhere."

She sucked in a breath, shut her eyes, and shook her head. "No my…I need to…" She coughed—a small one at first, but then a larger one that resulted in a yelp of pain and a groan as she moved her left hand towards her chest.

"Easy, Kate. Here, have a little bit of ice." He picked up the cup from her bedside—the one he'd acquired just a few minutes earlier on his way back from the bathroom in hopes she would soon awake. He used a plastic spoon to scoop two petite shards of ice into her mouth. He waited for her to swallow before giving her two more. She mumbled out a thank you. "Of course; can I get you anything else?"

"I…" She gazed down at herself for a moment, lifting up her left hand and then placing it back down on her mid-chest. She stared at it for twenty seconds before, suddenly, her eyes widened and she said quickly, "Doctor—I need to talk to the doctor."

Castle bobbed his head. "Okay, I can try and find someone for you. Do you want the cardiologist or the obstetrician?"

"The—" She stopped short and searched his face with her eyes for several seconds before whispering, "You know?" as though the life growing inside her was a secret of CIA proportions.

He gave her a gentle smile, squeezed her shoulder, and said, "You told me, Kate."

"Told you?"

"When you were passing out—I'm not surprised you don't remember," he rationalized, given how common it was for severe trauma to cause amnesia of sorts. "You said, 'Save the baby.'"

She nodded. "Oh." Her hand slid down to her belly and she rubbed it for a second before gasping an half choking, "Oh god the baby!"

"It's okay." He assured her. "Your father told me they said your hormone levels still indicate pregnancy, but there's still a pretty big risk as you can imagine. They said the next forty-eight hours will be critical and then…what is it?" He asked when he saw her eyes morph into those of a scared child with tears welling inside.

"Castle…oh god." She sniffled out. "This isn't how I wanted to have this conversation."

A wry smile crossed his face and he moved his hand down from her forearm to link together with her fingertips. "I know."

"C-Castle."

She sounded so afraid; it broke his heart. He had a good guess on what she was about to confess to him, but he didn't want her to be scared or nervous about it. Everything was going to be okay; he knew it. Lifting his left hand from her shoulder, he cupped the underside of her jaw and brushed his thumb across the hollow of her cheek. "It's okay, shh, honey; it's okay." He soothed as he heard her breath hitching from the tears. Her diaphragm shuttered and she winced, which made his heart clench from sympathetic agony. "It's okay, Kate; I know."

Her eyes searched his for a better explanation. "You know…?"

"Josh and I had a talk."

"Oh god."

"It's okay—I think we came to an understanding of sorts."

A tear rolled down her cheek and he brushed it away before continuing his tender, calming strokes. When she still appeared to be rather shocked after a moment, he lifted up her right hand, pressed his lips to her knuckles, and once again assured her that everything would be fine.

"I-I'm sorry. I still feel very hazy so I um—just so we're on the same page. I'm _almost_ positive the baby is yours…and that is not a sentence I ever anticipated saying."

Castle could not help but letting out a breathy chuckle. "No I don't imagine so. It's okay, though." He pressed the back of her right hand into his cheek and he felt her fingers curl more tightly around his. "You know I never regretted that night. And this?" He moved his left hand from her face so that it lay overtop hers on her belly. "This is just our next adventure."

Two more tears leaked from the corners of her eyes as she asked quietly, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course—how could I not be?"

She nodded then shut her eyes and her face scrunched as she truly began to cry. He soothed her the best he could, but ultimately she just shook her head and apologized adding, "This is just a lot."

"Of course it is, but whatever you need—I'm here." He was her partner, and had been for nearly three years, but the way he saw it, they were now partners in life not just at work. They could take their personal relationship as slowly as she needed to, but he would be there for her every step of her recovery, and every step of her pregnancy.

Though he hadn't much time to think about it with her life hanging in the balance, with Kate finally alert, Castle's eyes grazed over her face and he felt nearly a crushing amount of joy and love in his heart. Kate Beckett was one of the most extraordinary people he'd ever met. He'd wanted her for so long—so very long—and now it seemed they finally had their chance. True, it would not be a traditional start by any means, and he believed they faced a difficult road ahead, but he was also certain they'd make it through because they were meant to be together.

Squeezing his fingers as tightly as she could, Kate told him, "I just need you."

"I'm already yours."

She smiled and untangled their fingers so she could dust her index finger down the edge of his jaw. She lifted her head off the pillow and then collapsed back down with a rather annoyed, "Sorry, I—can you come closer? I don't think I can move."

"You shouldn't be moving." He pointed out before climbing up onto the bed and balancing his large frame between her and the very edge of the hospital mattress. She tucked her head into his shoulder and he laid one arm delicately across her hips. "Just get some rest Kate," he told her softly. "I'll be here—always."

* * *

First, I'd like to thank Lou (InkyCoffee) aka our Prompt Overlord for her prompt, which was something along the lines of what if in 3x24 Kate had said "Save the baby" to Castle as she passed out.

Second, of course I can't end it there - there will be 2 completely independent second parts - one where she loses the baby and one where she does not. :)


	2. Part 2 A

**Part 2 A**

Returning to Kate's apartment, Castle casually tossed his keys onto the kitchen counter, shrugged the duffle bag off his one shoulder and let it fall to the floor, and placed the other smaller bag he carried onto the counter. He immediately began unloading perishable groceries and putting them into the refrigerator and then, once they were settled, he pulled out the two non-perishable things along with the brown paper bag of medications from the pharmacy.

For the prior five days Castle had been splitting his time between his own apartment and Kates, though mostly he stayed at the latter. Though she had been released from the hospital, the detective was in no state to be alone and wouldn't be for at least another month. Castle was sharing the duty with her father, but he didn't mind one bit. He would have spent every hour with her if that's what was required. She was, after all, the woman he loved.

To say the three weeks since Kate's shooting had been difficult would have been a grand understatement. After her initial surgeries, Kate seemed to be doing well. She was able to get up and move around, though minimally, and the doctors felt her heart was on the mend. Just a few days later during yet another check up by the obstetrician was when things took a turn for the worst again.

Though to that point her hormonal levels had been steady, a sharp drop off indicated Kate had ended up losing her baby. Castle was glad to be with her when she received the news, though they were both confused as to why it hadn't happened earlier. They thought after the forty-eight hour window the pregnancy would hold, but the doctors had no explanation other than the stress to Kate's body simply resulted in the fetus's death. Because of Kate's already run down state, the obstetrician felt it best to perform a removal procedure, fearing infection or other complications.

Though Kate maintained a stoic if not slightly shocked mantra through the ordeal, once it was over she broke down in tears. Castle cried with her as they huddled in her hospital bed. It had, without question, been one of the most difficult moments of his life.

In the days that immediately followed, Castle felt as though he was merely going through the motions of life, unsure of how to feel. The loss of their child was heartbreaking yet surreal. Kate had only been seven weeks along and he'd known about the baby for only a fraction of that time. He'd barely wrapped his mind around the idea, and now it was lost forever. At the same time, the loss of the baby came as a terrifying reminder that they were not yet out of the woods insofar as Kate's injury. Yes, she seemed to be on the mend, but complications could still happen, which meant Castle could still face more heartache.

For the most part, Kate seemed to be reacting in a predictable way. After the first day, she showed very little emotion about the loss of her baby. She was quiet, clearly introspective, though not cold or rude to him. They spoke openly about her recovery process and the rehabilitation she was facing, but Castle knew better than to bring up the baby. If he had learned one thing over their years together it was what subjects that were safe to speak about and ones he needed to let go.

When it came time for Kate's release, Castle immediately suggested her temporarily moving into the loft, but she refused, saying she wanted to be in her apartment, in her bed and he couldn't blame her for wanting that. He then worked with her father to arrange a care schedule that Kate was begrudgingly forced to agree to due to her physical limitations. When it came to her personal care tasks, in order to save her from embarrassment, Castle offered up his own services or said he would hire a nurse for her. Much to his surprise (and delight) she said she preferred him to the nurse, and thus he'd given her a sponge bath her first night back home. It had practically killed him not to make any jokes, but when she'd said, "C'mon Castle; you look like your head is about to explode," they'd both laughed and it had certainly been the best moment since her shooting.

For a very brief moment after that Castle thought they would actually be okay and then he found her pregnancy test that had fallen down beside the bathroom trash can and been stupid enough to show it to her and ask if she intended to keep it or throw it away. From that point on he could feel her retreating. Even though they were sharing the same bed it felt as though they were miles apart and it hurt him. He wanted them drawing closer, bonding over what they'd gone through, but he also knew not to push her too hard, for that would only make her run away all the faster.

Sighing heavily, Castle leaned against the counter and gazed towards Kate's bedroom. The prior day and a half they hadn't spoken much at all, and he was trying to come up with a good distraction for them. The main problem was Kate's practically non-existent stamina. They couldn't go for a walk or to a movie and 'retail therapy' was absolutely out of the question. He was thinking about bringing something into the apartment to entertain her, but didn't want the set up or tear down to interrupt her rest. Her resting was the most important, particularly since she was to start physical therapy the following week.

Castle's thought process was then interrupted by a thud coming from Kate's bedroom. As he thought her to be napping, he went to investigate, but felt confused immediately upon entering her bedroom. Centrally on the bed sat two piles of clothing, but no Kate. Instead, she was to his left, evidently rummaging through her closet. "Kate? I'm back now, you don't have to—I mean, what do you need? I can."

"I'm fine," she said in a clipped tone, though when she stood from her crouching position with a pair of flats in her hand, she clearly looked winded.

"You really should be lying down. If you want something, I-"

"I said I'm fine, Castle." She snipped again.

Sensing a stubborn-Kate moment was brewing on the horizon, Castle folded his arms across his chest and said, "Then may I ask what you're doing?"

"Packing."

"P-packing?!" he echoed. "For what?"

Her eyes flicked towards him only briefly before she walked over to her chest of drawers and began pulling out pairs of socks. "I, ah, my dad's going to take me up to his cabin for a while."

"His cabin upstate? W-why? What about rehab? You're supposed to…Kate, hold on." He walked over to her and reached out to touch her arm but she sidestepped his touch and piled the socks onto the bed with the rest of her clothing.

"I'm fine, Castle. My father will be here shortly, you can just-"

"No." He cut her off. His heart rate began to speed as he realized fully what was going on. "Kate—how long are you planning on going for?"

Still not looking at him, she said, "I don't know. A while."

"A whi—wha—Kate!" He stammered as full shock set in. Oh, so this was it—a full Kate Beckett retreat. She would disappear then come back and find something to throw herself into—work or her mother's case again. She'd push everyone away, including him, except he wasn't going to let that happen; there was no way.

"Kate, don't do this. Please, don't do this."

"I'm going, Castle, so just-"

"No!" He stopped her that time by grabbing onto her right arm; she immediately glared at him. "Kate, listen to me, I know how much you're hurting—believe me _I know_ —but this isn't the answer. This isn't—just please, talk to me. Stay here and I'll make us dinner, and we can-"

"Don't you get it?" She snapped and ripped her arm from his embrace. Obviously in pain from the sharp action, she winced and placed her right hand over the center of her chest. "I need time away from everyone, Castle—including you."

Her words stung him, but deep down he knew she didn't mean them maliciously, or to hurt him directly, so he still wasn't willing to give up. "Kate, please don't do this. I know this is what you do but please, please I am begging you, choose something different this time. Choose to stay. I will literally get down on my knees and beg you if that's what you want."

She shook her head at him and walked over to the closet. Bracing herself against the doorframe with her left arm she rose up on her toes and reached with her right hand for a bag on the shelf above her head. She fell a few inches short, landed back on her heels, and then tried again. "I said I needed time, Castle. I don't understand—why wouldn't you—ugh!" She grunted and doubled over, wrapping her arms around her waist and he quickly rushed to her aid.

"Here sit, sit; I'll get it."

"No, I'm-"

"Kate. Sit." He raised his voice and she obeyed. As she walked over to sit on the edge of the bed, he grabbed the duffle bag, walked over to the bed and placed it at her feet. Then he got down on his knees before her, laying his hands gently on her thighs. With a softened tone he said, "I'm not saying you don't deserve to be able to grieve in your own way—you absolutely deserve that—but it's isn't a long weekend you're packing for, Kate." He nodded towards the four pairs of pants and dozen shirts she'd laid out. "You're running."

Fury immediately clouded her vision. "You don't-"

"I do."

She shoved his hands off her lap and stood, walking a few feet away from him. "I don't need to be told about my grieving process from a man who cracks jokes all day-"

"Because that's my process!" He stood and took a step towards her so they were facing off again. "That's how I cope! Because I...I'm the guy that has to put on the brave face, always have been—for my daughter when he mother left us, when my second marriage fell apart, when another one of mother's husbands stole all her money-"

"I thought that only happened once?"

He shook off her question. "The point is—it's how I cope but inside? Inside, Kate I'm a wreck." He balled up his fists and held them to his chest, trying to convey with words the turmoil and agony inside of him. "I'm devastated. No one I've been with has ever had a miscarriage so I don't...I don't know how to wrap my mind around it, particularly since I only knew about the baby for a week. I guess I..." He shook his head and his voice trailed off, trying to find a delicate way to word how he was feeling.

"You know it's hard to mourn something you didn't really know—we never saw his or her face so I—I'm sad about it but what devastates me? What wakes me up every night in a cold sweat? It's the thought of losing you over this."

Losing Kate because of her miscarriage had been the foremost thought in his mind since the doctor informed them she was no longer pregnant, second perhaps only to his concern about the health of her heart post-shooting. He feared that because of her difficulty with the news their relationship might vanish practically before it even began. While she was still in the hospital he'd wake up and pace the halls of the loft thinking about it. Even those past few nights when he'd wake up beside her, roll over and watch the steady rise and fall of her chest he thought about it; it haunted him.

"Thinking that this might have been our one chance and now it's gone is just…My god Kate, I cannot even begin to tell you how much I don't want that to be the case. I can't even tell you." He reached out and took her right hand in his and thankfully she let him. She glanced down at their linked fingers and, when she looked back up, he could see tears in her eyes. "That's why I'm begging you not to leave. Scream, cry, yell—do it all, but do it here. Stay with me. Please."

A tear rolled down her cheek and she walked away from him to grab a tissue out of the box on her nightstand. She then sat on the edge of her bed, tissue clutched beneath her nose with her right hand as her left was splayed over the still-bandaged wound in the middle of her chest. She sat that way for several moments before sniffling out, "I don't do this, you know—emotional intimacy."

He walked over and sat beside her. "Yeah. I kind of figured."

"When my...when my mom died everything hurt—it hurt to walk, it hurt to breathe, and the hurt just wouldn't stop so I decided then to put up walls around me to protect myself because I never wanted to feel hurt like that again. But now...now it's so much worse and I just…"

He skimmed his hand over her upper back and rested it over her spine. "I know." For him, feeling a little on the outside, he felt mostly sadness, but he understood that for her that feeling would have been amplified as she was carrying their child inside of her; he couldn't even begin to fathom how heart-wrenching that would be.

"It…It just feels like its crushing me Castle. And you're right—logically I understand what you're saying. I only knew about the baby for barely over a week and I understand why I lost it; there's nothing anyone could have done to stop it once that sniper's bullet left the chamber but...I know we never saw his or her face but I was already planning how our life would be and I...I'm sorry."

As she sobbed into her tissue he leaned over and pressed a kiss onto her temple, pulling her body even closer to his. "What are you sorry for, honey?"

"I wish I could be better for you...deserve you."

Castle practically did a double take in her direction because her words sounded so foreign; so incorrect. She was amazing and, if anything, in his mind it was the other way around.

Reaching over with his left hand, Castle cupped her chin and encouraged her to look up at him. Stoking both sides of her face with his thumbs he promised, "No—no, honey. You're amazing, Kate; I've known that since the start. That's why I love you. Kate, I love you." He was certain she had not heard his confession after she was shot, for she was mostly unconscious by that point and he hadn't brought it up again, but now he felt it was critical that she knew exactly how he felt. He loved her with all his heart and he was never, ever going anywhere.

Overwhelmed by her emotions, Kate curled up in a ball and lay with her head against her pillow as she grabbed a few more tissues to hold to her face. Castle quickly moved her piles of clothing enough for him to lie beside her and spoon himself against her back. She didn't shy away from his touch, but let him gently hold her and nuzzle his face into the back of her head as he softly promised that everything was going to be all right.

They remained that way for several minutes before Kate rolled onto her back so she could meet her partner's eye. "I…I won't leave the city, but I need a little space. Can…can you please give me a few days to myself?"

"Who's going to help you with bathing and food and-"

"It's okay." She cut him off. "My dad can help or…or maybe I'll get one of those nurses you talked about before I came home."

Castle tried not to wince at her words. He accepted that her grieving process was different than his and if she needed some space he was willing to give it to her. Still, it hurt that she was more interested in having a complete stranger help her than him. Evidently, she sensed this pain and gently touched his cheek.

"Castle, please. What you've done for me the past few weeks is incredible and I appreciate it—I really do, but I…I do need a few days away from everyone, including you; I just need to process."

As she was asking him for time, he certainly would give it, but he couldn't help but wonder what all she was thinking. "Okay, Kate, but, um, what about us?"

She let out a breathy noise that sounded almost like a laugh. "Castle, we were never even officially together."

"In my mind we were."

She shut her eyes and visibly relaxed further into her pillow. "See, this is why I don't deserve you—you're being so supportive and wonderful and I can't even..." Her voice drifted off with the shake of her head.

He gave her hip a little squeeze with his hand. "It's not a competition."

"I know I just...I need time. Please."

Nodding, Castle reluctantly pushed himself up from where he'd curled beside her and clambered off the bed. He asked if she wanted him to put away her clothing before he left, she said no, but she did ask him to return the duffle bag to the shelf in her closet, which he did. Standing at the foot of her bed, Castle reminded her, "You can still call me any time, you know that?"

She nodded. "I do. Thank you, Castle; I'll call you."

With a sad smile he said, "Okay," and then, even though it felt as though his heart was splitting in two, he turned and walked out of her apartment.

* * *

Walking up to the front door of the Castle penthouse, Kate reached out her right hand and rested it against the doorframe while she clutched her left close to her chest. Her heart thrummed beneath her ribcage and she shut her eyes tightly, taking in a long slow deep breath in an attempt to slow its rhythm. She understood that her road to recovery would be a lengthy one, and she didn't feel as bad about getting winded from a short walk as she felt concerned about making her heart beat any more than necessary just in case it wasn't as healed as the doctors said it was.

After a minute she felt less winded and continued with her mission: speaking with her partner for the first time in a week. She'd texted him a few days earlier to let him know that she was fine, but still needed a bit more time and he had responded simply with, "Okay." Honestly, she was amazed at his restrained; she was certain he would end up showing up at her place, but he had not, and she was grateful for the distance; it gave her the clarity she needed, and now she was ready for the next phase in her life.

Kate only had to wait thirty seconds after knocking for the writer to open the door wearing an expression mixing relief with surprise. "Beckett—hi—hey—I didn't…I mean, was I expecting you and forgot…?"

She smiled and shook her head. "No, no; this is impromptu. Is that okay?"

"Wha—oh yes, absolutely; of course. I was just in the middle of writing something and—sorry." He shook his head then shut the door behind her and smiled even more. "How are you? Are you okay? You look a little pale…"

She shrugged. "This is just how I look now Castle."

"No, it's not."

"I, ah, I guess I'm just a little out of breath from the walk."

"Let me get you some water. You walk here from your apartment!?" He called out as he scurried off to the kitchen.

She toed off her shoes by the door and then walked over to sit on the couch. "No, no—I took a cab. I just walked from the street to the elevator and then from the elevator to here." God, she never would have made it if she'd attempted the walk. Hell, even walking and also using the subway would have probably had her doubled over from exhaustion. "Pathetic, right?" she voiced her annoyance aloud.

"Not at all." He promised, handing over a glass of water, which she graciously sipped. "Just a bullet in your chest, Kate. So is—I mean, how's everything? Did you start PT?"

"Yeah and it hurts, but it's definitely the good kind of pain. And, hey, I managed to get here, didn't I?" Granted, she didn't feel that way after her first session; it had felt like she'd been hit by yet another bullet, but each one was gradually getting a little bit easier.

Kate could see the worry in his partner's gaze, though he was making a decent effort to try and hide it. Settling down on the couch beside her, he said, "Well I'm very glad you came over; I'm so happy to see you."

"Me too. I, um." She paused to set her water glass down on the coffee table. "I wanted to thank you for giving me the space I asked for. I'm sure that wasn't easy for you."

"Wha...no it was fine." He waved his hand in a dismissive way. "I only looked at my phone...every other minute for the past week."

She let out a brief laugh, but also knew he probably wasn't joking at all. "I, um...I was doing a lot of thinking and I wasn't really getting anywhere until I was talking with my father and he reminded me there's no shame in asking for help. He'd always talked about how much therapy helped him get through his time in rehab and he, per usual, is right."

"So you're going to see a therapist?" His tone wasn't judgmental, merely indicative of him clarifying all the facts, which made her feel even more relieved about her decision.

"Yes. I've only seen him once so far but I'll be going twice a week. I just...I think what my life boiled down to is exactly what you said a month ago: I'm afraid to be happy, because that happiness could go away, but that's not a good way for me to live." The realization had been hard for her—very hard. Nearly as hard as speaking for the first time once she was seated across from Dr. Burke, but she'd done it and she knew that step was probably the most important one she'd take on her road to recovery and happiness.

"I do want to make something clear to you, Castle," she continued, finally getting to the main reason she'd turned up on his doorstep unannounced, hoping that she'd be able to get out what she wanted to say in the moment instead of making her nervous while waiting for a preplanned meetup. "I do want to be with you; I want us to have a future together, but this therapy isn't going to flip a switch overnight."

He gave her a very understanding expression and reached out and placed his hand over top hers as it rested on her knee. "I'll wait for you, Kate—as long as you need; I'll be here."

Relief began to unknot the tightness in her chest and neck, but she needed him to say it just one more time before she allowed herself to believe the thing she wanted most. "Are you sure?"

"Am I su…" He stumbled over the words and gave her hand a tighter squeeze. "I have another Nikki Heat manuscript completed if you'd like to read it for verification."

Kate was unable to suppress laugh at his classic Castle response. "No I...I get it." He had made it very plain over the years how he felt for her. At first she knew it to be a crush—an infatuation—but the close they became, the deeper it grew, and she knew he felt deeply for her just as she did for him.

Readjusting her position on the couch, she slid a bit closer to him so that she could gather both of his hands in hers and line her body up against his. "You're..." She sighed, tracing her thumb over his knuckles, and feeling frustrated for not being able to be as eloquent with words as he was. "You're the most important person in my life, Castle."

He hummed and she felt his lips brush against the top of her forehead. "We're gonna be okay, Kate."

She exhaled and relaxed her body against his, agreeing wholeheartedly with his sentiments. "Yeah, I think we are."

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you for reading - all your reviews have been wonderful

As you probably figured out, the next independent part will be the happier ending where the baby survives. Coming your way very soon!


	3. Part 2 B

**Part 2 B -** See A/N at the end of Part 1 for explanation; this is completely independent from Part 2A

* * *

"You know what I think tonight calls for?" Castle spun around as he walked into the loft, holding the door open for the woman trailing behind him. He waggled his eyebrows in her direction and grinned. "Champagne—non-alcoholic, of course, right bud?" He smoothed his hand over the distinct rounded belly of the woman as she passed him giving him one of her classic, 'You're being insane,' looks.

"Castle…we don't need champagne."

"The doctor said you're the epitome of health—that calls for champagne!"

Kate sighed, shrugged off her jacket, and then followed her boyfriend into the kitchen while resting both hands on her belly. "I'm the epitome of health for someone who had a bullet enter their heart three months ago—that's not exactly the same thing."

Castle merely shrugged and continued on his path towards the wine refrigerator. Kate merely shook her head as she leaned one elbow against the eat-at counter. As she had unofficially been living at the loft ever since being released from the hospital, Kate was used to her partner's unprecedented enthusiasm being directed towards seemingly random things, but this did seem to be a bit too much. "Besides—if we're going to celebrate something, shouldn't we wait until Friday? After we found out if our little bean here is a boy or a girl?"

He snorted with disbelief. "Who says we can only celebrate one time this week?"

When she realized he was actually rummaging through the wine refrigerator to find champagne, Kate walked over and touched his shoulder gently. "Castle, don't; stop."

He turned to her with a look of utter confusion. "Why?"

She trapped her bottom lip between her teeth and gazed at him for a moment before proposing, "Because…what if I want us to celebrate a different way?"

"Really!?"

Though nervous butterflies still filled her stomach, Kate could not help but laugh at how excited he sounded, though she couldn't blame him; she was excited too.

On some level, she did agree with Castle that the cardiologist proclaiming her to be in impressive health (all things considered) was something to be celebrated. Of course she was still barred from vigorous or intense exercise, both because of her shooting and her pregnancy, which was labeled high-risk, but she had been cleared for moderate exercise, and she'd confirmed with the nurse on the way out that sex was included under that umbrella.

As she had been feeling almost back to normal for the prior month, she had already checked with her obstetrician about being intimate with her boyfriend, figuring he would be more likely to tell her no than the cardiologist, but at her appointment two weeks prior he'd given her cautious permission. She was warned to take things easy, and monitor herself closely. If she felt any discomfort during or after intercourse she needed to seek medical attention—and that went for every time they made love, not just the first time since her shooting.

Looking as though he was afraid to be too hopeful, Castle reached out and touched her arm. "Are you sure?"

Kate bobbed her head. "Both doctors have said it's okay as long as we're careful."

"Careful is my middle name."

She laughed and shook her head. "It really isn't." In fact, it wasn't even in the top ten descriptors she would have given him—hell, maybe not even in the top twenty.

He laughed, too. "That's true—it's not at all but Kate, are you sure you're feeling up to this?"

"Definitely," she said before reaching out, taking his hand, and guiding him towards the bedroom.

Though their relationship had an incredibly unusual start, Kate never minded. In fact, it almost made sense given everything about their lives, their partnership. She never wanted to be traditional, so it fit her as well. Despite that, she was looking forward to having a normal relationship with the man she almost lived with and being able to have sex was the final puzzle piece they needed.

From the moment she awoke in the hospital and discovered that he already knew he was the father of her child, Castle had far exceed her expectation insofar as what he would be like as a significant other. He took care of her and doted on her—too much, if anything. He ran errands to pick up things at her apartment or the drug store for her, even when she told him he didn't have to. He never missed a doctor's appointment and had even been willing to give her the king-sized bed in the loft until she insisted that they share.

Two days after she was released from the hospital and she was sitting in his bathroom as he changed the bandages on her wounds, she felt clear-headed enough to ask him about their relationship status. He'd given her a simple smile and said, "In my mind, we've been together since that night in LA, but if you want official confirmation, this is it." He'd spoken with such ease she immediately felt silly for even entertaining the idea that he might not want to be with her romantically. That night when he'd helped her to bed, he'd kissed her lips and she'd fallen asleep feeling safe for the first time since her shooting. From that point forward, their relationship only blossomed.

When she looked at the man beside her, the one who clearly cared so deeply for her, Kate felt immensely silly for the entire prior year when she feared she couldn't trust him to be her partner in everything. She'd been foolish then, but vowed never to be again, which was why she talked with him about her emotions and how she was feeling. It had been hard at first, very hard, but by that point, several months in, it was beginning to feel like second nature, as it should.

When they reached the bedroom, Castle stepped around her and began pulling back the bedcovers. Kate inactively reached for the waistband on her pants but then stopped and cringed down at her stomach. Evidently seeing this, her partner asked what was wrong. "Oh, um, I guess I never thought about the logistics of pregnancy sex." She had a round belly now, and that changed things…didn't it?

He made a dismissive noise. "Psst, this little bump?" He reached out and patted the swell, practically covering all of it with his large hand. "No big deal. It only really becomes a problem when you're over thirty or thirty-two weeks, depending. Then we'll have to get a bit creative." He winked at her.

Kate rolled her eyes. "Somehow I think you'll rise to that challenge."

He smirked. "In more ways than one."

Kate realized her unintended double entendre and groaned. "God, Castle…"

He laughed and reached out for her hips, pulling her towards him. "C'mon, Kate you set me up for that one."

He kissed her and began removing her clothing as she did the same to him. It was strange, she thought as she pushed the button-down shirt from his shoulders and he turned her body so she could sit down on the bed. They had only made love one time previously—just one time—but yet their intimacy was not at all awkward. It felt as though they'd been together romantically for years. She supposed that on some level they had, and their recent cohabitation certainly added to their preexisting connection.

"God, Kate; you are so sexy." Castle groaned as he pulled off her pants and gave them a casual toss, leaving her only in her bra and panties—her _maternity_ panties.

She laughed and shook her head. "You won't think that when I get too big for those pants…and all the others I own."

"Mm nope—then you'll be even sexier." He kissed her belly several times in a few different places then lifted his head and smiled at her. He stepped back to remove his jeans and socks and made to climb up on the bed with her, but she stopped him with gentle fingers on his sternum; he looked at her, curious.

"I love you."

It was far from the first time she'd said it. In fact, the first had been while she was still in the hospital, very shortly after an internal ultrasound confirmed all was well with the child budding to life inside her, but given what they were about to do, it felt like the time that had the most weight.

He smiled, soft and easy, and the corners of his eyes crinkled in that way that made her heart soar. He brushed her cheek with his thumb and said, "I love you, too, Kate," before pulling her into a long, slow kiss.

* * *

"Castle!"

He was ripped from sleep so suddenly, that Richard Castle was unsure of what was going on around him until he heard the shriek of his name again, that time more frantic.

" _CASTLE_!"

"Wha—whatsit—K-Kate?!" In his sleep state he just barely recognized the voice to be that of his girlfriend, but he was still struggling to process. He threw back the bedcovers and looked around the room, but he couldn't see her. "Wha—Where are you?"

"Here!"

Turning his head towards the sound he could see light filtering out of the bathroom and began moving towards it. He caught his big toe on the corner of the bed, yelped out a curse, and stumbled forward while rubbing the sleep from his left eye. "I'm comin'; I'm comin'…What's…" His voice drifted off as he took note of the scene before him. Kate was dressed in her sleeping attire—a tank top and bikini panties—and standing by the counter with the two sinks. Her left hand was wrapped around her largely expanded belly while her right was braced against the counter so tightly he could see all the muscles in her arm engaged. On top of all this, Kate's face was contorted with significant discomfort.

Immediately on sight of her, adrenaline began coursing through Castle's veins as he grew worried for the safety of his partner and their unborn daughter. "What—What's going on? Are you okay?"

She groaned and hunched over as though she were about to be ill. "The baby—the baby's coming."

He shook his head, still sleepy enough to be confused by her words. "What? We still have two—two and a half weeks until-"

But his words were cut off by a piercing scream from Kate and he began to panic once more. "Oh! Oh god! The baby! The baby's coming!" Yes, their C-section was scheduled nearly two and a half weeks away and they were three from Evelyn's due date, but it appeared she was determined to make what his mother would have called "a dramatic entrance."

Kate lifted her head enough to meet his eye and she growled, "I know; I said that!"

He took a deep breath and walked over to his companion to gently rub her lower back, never thankful he was doing this for a second time so he knew (more or less) what to expect. "How far apart are your contractions?"

She whimpered and adjusted her grip on the counter, leaning back into his touch. "I don't know—not far I don't think; I woke up like this 'bout—ah—fifteen minutes ago."

"Wha—Jesus." The writer cursed and rubbed his hand over his brow. "How did this happen so fast?!" Meredith had been in labor with Alexis for hours—over a day, technically.

"I don't know I've never had a baby before Castl—aah!" Kate screamed again and gripped her belly

Realizing that her contractions were less than two minutes apart, Castle instantly realized that taking a car to the hospital would not be an option. "Okay—okay. Hold on. I'm just getting my phone so I can call 911." He dashed from the bathroom and hurried over to his side of the bed. He ripped his cell phone from its charging cord and began punching keys on his way back to the bathroom.

"Yes, hi, my—my girlfriend is in labor and she—she says the baby is coming. Please hurry!" He informed the operator in one long breath when the call connected. The woman on the other end then calmly asked for his address and he gave it and then hung up when he heard Kate calling out his name. He raced back to the bathroom and found that she had moved positions so that her back was flush with the counter and she was clutching her belly with both hands.

"I'm right here, honey." Castle promised, walking around in front of her so that he could cup her jaw with his hands. When he lifted her head, he could see the tears in her eyes and it broke his heart. He pressed his lips to her forehead and promised, "I'm right here. Just tell me what I can do. Do you want to sit somewhere?"

She groaned and her knees buckled as another contraction coursed through her body. Castle quickly moved his hands from her jaw to her shoulders to help hold her upright. When the contraction passed her breath was still coming in short spurts and she looked up at him, terrified. "Oh god, Castle I think the baby's coming right now!"

Trying to be the calm one, he shook his head. "I'm sure it feels that way, but if you're water hasn't even—oh." His voice dropped off when he heard the splash of liquid against the tile floor. He gazed down at spread his feet wide to avoid the fluid. "Okay—okay; it's fine. I called the ambulance and I'm sure that they-"

Once again he was cut off by Kate screaming through a contraction. She reached out and gripped his forearm so tightly he was certain she could have lifted his body off the ground by that one limb if she wanted to. "Just breathe, Kate; breathe," he soothed, though he knew his coaching wasn't doing much good.

"God—Castle—she's coming; she's coming!"

His heart rate speeding, he took a half step back and looked Kate up and down, not really sure what to do. "Um, okay…uh—do you want me to check?"

She shot him a dangerous look. "No."

"Okay."

"But you're probably going to have to."

"Okay." He agreed. Taking her by both forearms, they moved two steps away from the counter and he helped lower her to the floor. He quickly grabbed the hand towel hanging by the sink, balled it up and tucked it beneath her head. Then, moving quickly towards her hips, he pulled off her now-soaked panties, gazed between her legs and—

"Oh, god, yeah—yeah I can see the head. Jesus," he added more out of pure shock. Castle had no problem with the nitty-gritty details of birth. He loved Kate with his whole self and watching her give birth to their daughter would only deepen that love, but he had always envisioned that scenario happening in a hospital and preferably with medical staff present.

"Oh god." Kate whimpered, grabbing on to the edges of the towel beneath her head. "I—I think I have to push."

He put his palms on her knees and said instinctively, "No, no don't do that."

"Not in control of this Castle!" She snarled at him. Then, another contraction started and he watched as her abdomen seized up, trying to push their baby out. Castle held her knees and continued his soft coaching, reminding her to breathe.

When her contraction stopped, she lowered her head to the towel and let out a breath. He could see her hands trembling as they rested beside her head so he scooted closer to her and promised, "You're doing great, honey; really great."

She lifted her head just enough to look at him. "I'm really scared."

He nodded and moved so that he could place his hands against her jaw again and brush his thumbs over her cheeks. "I know, but it's going to be fine."

"What about my heart?"

Castle merely smiled and continued to stroke her face, not allowing himself to give into those fears lying at the back of his mind. Kate was afraid for many reasons, all of which he completely understood, which meant he needed to be strong. Her pregnancy had been high risk, but they'd made it through with very few complications. Her doctor had recommended a C-section to limit the strain on her already battered body, but that didn't mean she was incapable of giving birth naturally, or that she would be in grave danger.

"Kate, honey, look at me." He encouraged when she'd shut her eyes. When she was gazing at him once more, he promised, "You're going to be okay—you and Evelyn. And, hey, we get to meet her sooner, right?"

"But what if she's not okay? What if—ah! Jesus!"

Castle rocked back on his heels, not sure if he should remain at Kate's head to coach her or check on their daughter's emergence into the world when he heard the best sound he'd ever heard: pounding on the apartment door. "Thank god! One second, Kate."

The writer raced out of the bathroom so quickly he nearly skidded into a wall, but he managed to get to the apartment door in less than five seconds and usher the EMT's inside. He led the way back to the bathroom where Kate appeared to be at the tail end of another contraction, the baby's head now even more visible between her legs.

"It's okay, Kate—the EMT's are here; everything's going to be fine." Then, to the medical duo he added, "She has a heart condition."

"What kind of condition?" one of the gentlemen asked as he pulled on a rubber glove and dropped between Kate's legs.

"I, ah, there was a bullet in it?" he said a bit dumbly, in too much shock to explain using better medical terminology. "She's high risk—worried about her blood pressure and heart rate."

The EMT nodded and looked directly at Kate. "I'm afraid we can't move you now, ma'am, but your baby's almost out. When you feel the next contraction you should push as hard as you can."

As Castle settled back down on the floor, Kate reached out for him and grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt. "Oh god, Castle. I don't want to have our baby on the bathroom floor!"

"Well at least it's a nice bathroom floor...it's not like a public-"

"Castle!"

As her next contraction hit, Kate pushed as hard as she could, but the baby's head remained in the same position. The EMT then suggested rearranging so that Kate's head and shoulders were propped up more by Castle's lap, that way he could help reach down and hold her legs up and out of the way. When her next contraction hit, Kate screamed louder than before and gripped Castle's right forearm with such strength he feared she would break his bones. Fortunately, the extra effort paid off and the EMT announced, "Okay the head's out; deep breath."

Craning his neck upwards, Castle gazed down and his heart stuttered with pure joy and tears began to prick his eyes. "Oh, Kate—I can see her head! You're doing so amazing, honey; I love you so much!" Castle bowed his head to kiss Kate's sweaty brow, but all she could do was grunt in return since her next contraction was on its way. Two pushes later, their daughter arrived and was placed on the towel draped across Kate's stomach.

"Oh my god." The writer sobbed as the baby's wailing echoed off the bathroom tiles. "She's here; she's really here!" She was practically bald and a greyish pink thanks to the fluids coating her skin, but she had ten little toes and ten little fingers and one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen; their little miracle.

"Is she—is she okay?" Kate asked a little breathless.

Castle lowered his right hand from where it held her leg still and began rubbing his hand over the baby's back as she wiggled and cried. "She's fine; she's fine. Oh Kate, she's so beautiful."

As the shock of the moment began to wear off Kate wrapped her arms around her child and pulled her closer to her breast. She brought the edges of the towel up to cover the crying baby as best she could and then gazed up at Castle, soft smile on her face. "I love you."

"Oh, god, Kate; I love you too—so much." In that moment, though he based his profession on stringing words together in ways that had meaning, Castle could not even begin to express his love and devotion to the woman who had just brought their child into the world. He knew then as he had known before: he would love her even with his dying breath.

"BP is okay; heart rate normal."

When these stats filtered towards his ears, Castle looked up to meet the EMT's eye and asked, "Is she okay—are they okay?"

The shorter of the two men nodded. "Yes, but we still want to get them to the hospital as quickly as possible. We're going to get the gurney and we'll be back."

Momentarily alone in the bathroom with their child, whose cries had finally dulled to small whimpers, Castle snuggled closer to the two women in his life and sighed. When the thought of his elder daughter entered his mine, he let out a small chuckle. "Boy did Alexis pick a hell of a weekend to go away with friends."

Kate let out a small laugh. "Yeah…but I'm actually kind of glad she wasn't here for this."

"Fair enough."

A few minutes later when the EMT's returned, Castle got the first opportunity to hold his new child as the gurney would not fit through the door of the bathroom and Kate had to move with the support of the EMTs on either side of her. He gave Evelyn a brief snuggle and pressed a kiss on top of her head before putting her back into her mother's arms for the trip down the elevator.

"You know," Kate sighed as they waited for the car, "I was kind of hoping to go a whole year without riding in the back of an ambulance again."

Her companion chuckled. "You're tellin' me."

"Yes but—oh! Castle—you don't have shoes."

"Wha—shit." He cursed when he looked down at himself. He was still in his boxers too! "Hold on—hold on. Two seconds."

He sprinted back to the apartment, grabbed the first pair of jeans he could and the pair of loafers closest to the door, and then ran back to the hall just as they were wheeling Kate inside the elevator. "Sorry! Sorry!"

"You didn't have to run," she said with amazing casualness, not lifting her eyes from her daughter's face.

"I know, I know I just…" he sighed and gazed down at the two of them, falling in love all over again. "I just don't want to leave you guys alone for too long."

"Don't worry." She smiled up at him. "We're not going anywhere without you."

* * *

Kate Beckett immediately stopped folding the laundry piled around her at the sound of her daughter's cry. She uncurled her legs, stood from the couch and began making her way towards the master bedroom. She'd been expecting Evie to wake up at any moment as she was a pretty consistent two-hour napper and this day was no exception. Crossing the threshold of the bedroom, Kate began unbuttoning her shirt unconsciously. Though their first few days were difficult, six weeks in breast feeding felt completely natural and she could do it at any time of the day—even if she was half asleep in the middle of the night.

"Did you have a nice nap sweetheart?" Kate cooed to her wailing baby. She lifted Evie from her crib and held her up on her shoulder in order to walk to the nearby rocking chair. As she turned, she caught a glimpse of Castle through the bookshelf walls. He was sitting at his computer with headphones in, his fingertips taping across the keyboard. She briefly wondered if he was actually writing or simply searching Google for something that may or may not have been book related, but then Evie's cries distracted her.

"Okay, honey, c'mere. I bet your so, so hungry, right?" Kate sat in the rocking chair and balanced the baby in her lap while she shrugged one shoulder out of her shirt and pulled down the cup of her bra to expose her breast. Once she had Evie in position, the little girl began to nurse immediately and Kate relaxed back in her chair, gazing casually around the bedroom she now shared with her partner.

Little more than three months had passed since she moved in officially—well, since Castle, Alexis, and her father had moved her in officially; she was not permitted to carry anything heavier than a box of pillows thanks to her pregnancy restrictions. Because they'd spent most of that time also readying Evelyn's room, Kate had yet to put any of her own touches on the master suite. She didn't really hate any of Castle's decorations—at least not now that he'd moved that ferocious looking lion painting out into his office—but none of them felt like hers. She mused that since between she and Castle (though mostly the latter) had taken thousands of pictures of their daughter since her birth she could make a picture collage on the wall vacated by the lion; it would be a good way to tie their family together.

A gurgle escaping Evie's lips drew Kate's attention downward. "You okay, sweetie?" Kate asked making sure the little one was appropriately situated on her breast and not slipping off. In doing so, she noticed for the first time that Evie was not wearing the white, pink, and yellow striped onesie she had been earlier, but instead an all-white one with black lettering on it. "What…what's this…?" She wondered aloud, tugging at the fabric so she could more easily read the fancy script across the front of the shirt.

 _Will you marry my Daddy?_

"O-Oh…" Kate exhaled and her heart began to race. Before she could even process what was happening she heard a soft, "Surprise!"

Looking up, she saw Castle now hovered in the doorway connecting their bedroom to his office. His hands hung loosely in the pockets of his basketball shorts and he wore a rather dopey grin.

"Oh, Rick…" She sighed, feeling the tears beginning to prick her vision. She gazed down again at the shirt, at the face of her daughter, and at the tiny hand curled to a loose fist and resting in between her breasts. Evelyn's hand rested just an inch below her bullet wound scar as it often did when she nursed and each time it stirred the same feelings within.

The perfect pale skin and petite knuckles of her child resting beside the still-red, gnarled knot of a scar seemed the perfect juxtaposition to explain the prior year: painful and difficult, but beautiful. Evie was, by all accounts, a miracle. Doctor after doctor told her that she should have lost the pregnancy due to the trauma, but Evie had been strong like her mother and held on against all odds. Yes, they'd had their scares, and rehab and recovery had been complicated by her maternity status, but they'd made it through and there they both were: happy and healthy. Now it seemed they were about to become even happier.

A tear slipped down her cheek when Castle knelt beside Kate's rocking chair and pulled out a black velvet box from the pocket of his shorts. He flipped open the top to reveal a gorgeous if not huge diamond ring and smiled simply at her. "I was just thinking," he began softly. "The past six weeks have gone by in such a haze. I think there were points during it when I truly forgot we weren't married, because it was just us being partners like always except in this amazing, incredible new way. It feels like this is the way things are meant to be always so I thought maybe it was time. Will you?"

Eyes clouded with tears, Kate gazed at the man she loved while still rubbing small circles over her daughter's back. "Yes, yes of course."

Castle grinned and plucked the ring from its resting place. He reached out for her hand, but then stammered awkwardly when he realized her left hand was occupied holding their child. "Here, I…oh, um…"

"Later."

"Right, later." Bracing his hand against the edge of the chair, he stood up enough to press a kiss to her lips and then knelt back down on the floor with one hand resting on her thighs and the other skimming across her arm gently. "It's going to be amazing, Kate—our wedding, I mean. Evie can be our adorable flower girl!"

A bemused look crossed her face as Kate gazed down at the infant who could barely lift her head, and then back at her future husband. "And how do you imagine her doing that?"

"Well I…I guess that depends on how quickly you want to get married…"

Kate grazed her teeth over her bottom lip and considered their options. If they wanted Evie to be their flower girl in the traditional sense—meaning she would walk down the aisle and drop petals—they'd need to wait over a year to wed, which seemed rather absurd, given how much of a family they already were. Yet, at the same time, Kate had never been one to rush through romantic relationships, but the one she had with Castle was certainly more different than any she'd ever had before.

"I never thought much about it—getting married. Or having a baby, for that matter. People always said when it's right you'll know, but I was always skeptical. And then I met you." She smiled at him and her heart fluttered with pure joy. "I don't think I want to wait that long."

He grinned. "So…how about September?"

A breathy laugh escaped her lips. "That's pretty quick; think we can pull it off?"

He gave her knee a squeeze and promised, "I think we can do anything."

* * *

 **A/N** : Thank you all so much for reading & reviewing! I know the last part was very sad for some people, but hopefully this fluff makes up for it!

As for what's next, I've decided to participate in the Castle Fanfiction contest as such i am jumping my current WIP to the front of the posting line. it's called **Fear of Falling** and the first chapter will be up on Saturday :)


End file.
